just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
