So drunk, too bad you don't want this
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
