Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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