i was rollin on her like bob the builder
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
