I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize