I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
