He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
