you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
50% drunk capacity currently
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
