I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
