what day is it and did you see me today?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize