Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
