If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
