don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
