i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
