that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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