He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
