Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
