i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
