I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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