is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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