What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
