thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
3 2 1 whiskey
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
