The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
