I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
