Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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