Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize
