I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize