I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
