i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize