she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
