I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
