last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
