This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
