i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
