I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize