Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
P.S. I can't hear my feet
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My bed smells like the plague
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