I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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