Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
