Sponge bath it is.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
