She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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