Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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