the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
