dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
