I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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