Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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