**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
love makes seman taste better
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
