I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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