i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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