I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
