There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize