I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
