Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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