too bad you live with your parents still
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
