oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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