Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
