Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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