what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
