If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Do vagina's smell?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
the raccoons are back...
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