i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
