wat bout pragnant strippers??
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
