My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
