we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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