I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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