You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
