Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
