I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
