it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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