my sisters under your porch take her home
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
