worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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