my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
