A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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