you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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